When a feeling hits hard

A few minutes, one small step at a time, for when anger, sadness or anxiety feels too big to think straight.

Something hitting hard right now?

Let’s take it one small step at a time. Nothing to read through. Just tap.

About three minutes. You can stop at any point.

How big is the feeling right now?

Tap the one that fits. There’s no wrong answer.

That’s a lot to hold.

Let’s slow the body down before we do any thinking. Six slow breaths, about a minute.

Breathe in for four, out for six.

Want the full breathing exercise?

Which is closest?

It doesn’t have to be exact.

What set it off?

Just the event. We’ll get to what it means next.

Add a few words

What is the feeling telling you it means?

Tap any that sound familiar.

Does the size of the feeling match the facts, or the story?

Slide it to wherever feels true.

A bit of both. That’s common.

Here’s what the feeling wants.

Pick one to try in the next ten minutes.

Small on purpose. You only need to do one.

What’s the smallest useful step?

Not the whole fix. Just the next thing.

Go do it.

Come back when you’re done. This will be here.

How big is the feeling now?

Same scale as before. Whatever it is, it’s useful to know.

What you just practised

Checking the facts. Separating what happened from the story attached to it, and asking whether the size of the feeling fits.

Acting opposite. Doing the reverse of what the feeling pulls you toward, so the feeling has to follow.

These are two emotion regulation skills from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). They usually get easier with practice.

Want help with feelings that hit this hard?

These skills work best alongside someone who can tailor them to you. Sills Psychology offers sessions in person in Calgary and online anywhere in Alberta.

Book a consultation with Sills Psychology

Not safe right now? Call or text 9-8-8

This tool is for general information and self-reflection. It is not a substitute for professional care.

What this tool does

When a feeling is very strong, it’s hard to think your way out of it, so this tool doesn’t ask you to. In about three minutes it walks you through small steps: notice how big the feeling is, slow your body down if you need to, name the feeling and what set it off, then choose one small thing to do in the next ten minutes.

It’s built on two skills from dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), an approach developed for people whose emotions feel intense and hard to manage:

  • Checking the facts. Separating what actually happened from the story the feeling is telling you, and asking whether the size of the feeling fits.
  • Acting opposite. Every emotion comes with an urge. Anger wants to fight, sadness wants to hide, anxiety wants to keep turning things over. When a feeling is bigger than the situation calls for, doing the opposite of the urge can help it ease.

If the feeling does fit the facts, the tool helps you pick a small, practical next step instead.

How to use it

  • Tap your way through. You can go back or stop at any point.
  • If the feeling is very big, you’ll be offered a minute of slow breathing first. You can skip it.
  • The tool covers anger, sadness and anxiety. If it’s something else, the feelings wheel can help you find the word.
  • Anything you tap or type stays on your device. Nothing is saved or sent anywhere.

Skills like these are easier to reach for in a hard moment if you’ve tried them at calmer times too. Expect them to feel awkward at first.

When to get more support

If you’re not safe right now, or you’re thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 9-8-8 any time. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.

If strong feelings are hitting often, lasting a long time, or leading to things you regret, a psychologist can help you understand what’s driving them and build skills that fit your life. I offer a free 20-minute consultation by video or phone, to see whether we’re a good fit.

Book a first appointment